IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and the poorest. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #difference #earnings
The is currently a contentious argument over whether to have a cheerful community it depends on only the reduction of income distinction between wealthy and poorer people. I totally disagree with
this
 affirmation because people
also
 depend on other aspects
such
 as health and security to have a minimum of dignity that makes them happy. The main reason why I believe that people depend on medical conditions to be happy is due to be in well-being.
Thus
, people can not be happy if they do not have a satisfactory health condition, which in most cases depends on a State intervention because if you have the
money
 you can not buy healthy so it is irrelevant to equate poorer and richest wage differences. To illustrate, when it comes about the current pandemic situation, it does not matter if people are wealthy or not since the coronavirus brought fear and sadness for most people around the world especially for those who lost relatives. Another reason why I support the notion that contentment is not just about
money
 is owing to the fact that people
also
 need to feel safe. As aforementioned, a great portion of people do not focus their lives on
money
,
for example
, some people fill better not having
money
 since they would feel unsafe.
Therefore
, to have
money
 and not being secure lead people to tackle against fear on regular bases and as a consequence, they could not feel happy. In conclusion, It is believed that other aspects of life are more important than
money
 when it comes to happiness which I totally agree. The community depend on much more healthy and security to fell happy than just
money
.
Submitted by Marcel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: