IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #charity #organizations #offer #country #aid
There is a relentless controversy about whether charity organizations should prioritize citizens of their countries rather than other places or not. From my point of view, financial assistance should be given to in-need
people
, regardless of geographical barriers. On the one hand, some who object to the idea of supporting impoverished
people
 worldwide have their own justifications.
First,
it cannot be denied that a large amount of money donation comes from local
people
 or overseas nationals,
therefore
, the government should give aid to needy compatriots.
For example
, with the catastrophic consequences that Storm Goni left, a major volume of remittances from overseas Vietnamese to the country to remedy these problems,
therefore
, it would be used for locals who were disastrously affected by the typhoon.
Moreover
, the authorities should give support to their dwellers in far-flung areas to improve their life quality
as well as
 promote the local economy.
On the other hand
, I concur with the view of giving financial assistance to in-need
people
, despite their geographical locations.
First,
it helps the government build up a harmonious and mutually beneficial relationship with other countries.
This
 collaboration enables the recipient country to reach its potential
while
 the benefactor can enjoy certain trade benefits.
Furthermore
, evidently,
people
 in underdeveloped nations suffer from more pressing issues than their counterparts in developed ones,
as a result
, they need support from global organizations to overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems
such
 as
hungry
Replace the word
hunger
show examples
 or illiteracy. In conclusion, it is understandable that individuals have their own perception,
however
, I am firmly convinced that the main purpose of charity funds should be to assist needy
people
, no matter where they live.
Submitted by dinhvyhanh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument clearly and effectively. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay.
task achievement
Clearly address both views in the essay by providing balanced arguments. Make sure to thoroughly develop and support each point with relevant examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: