IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #managers #salaries #workers #company
In today's world, it is believed by some part of the population that senior
managers
 should receive much higher salaries in comparison to other employees in the firm. I do not agree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will discuss some
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 which, in turn, will support my opinion.
To begin
 with, on the one hand,
such
 an approach could easily demotivate the majority of workers
withing
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 the company and they might become aggressive and
loose moral
Correct your spelling
lose morale
show examples
.
This
 is because of the fact that if there is a large gap between the
wages
 of
manager
Correct article usage
the manager
show examples
 and other staff the latter are likely to feel
unvaluable
Correct your spelling
invaluable
 and unnecessary.
Therefore
 not only will they become less productive and have worse performance that, in turn, might decrease
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
show examples
 profits but,
firthermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, a
lrage
Correct your spelling
larger
 number of employees might find
this
 insufficient and leave their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
For instance
, recent research has shown that when the salary of senior
managers
 was increased subordinates' performance
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
deteriorated by 10%.
Moreover
, if a business has a tall organisational structure and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has a lot of
managers
such
 a raise in
wages
 can significantly
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
firm's
Correct article usage
the firm's
show examples
 costs.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that
wages
 for employees are included
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fixed costs and are
subtracting
Wrong verb form
subtracted
show examples
 from revenue when calculating profits.
As a result
, not only might the company have
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 lower net profit but
also
 it could have a net loss.
For example
, economic analysts suggest that with
such
 an approach an enterprise might
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
 10 or even 20% of its income. Eventually,
to conclude
, I disagree with the fact that senior
managers
'
wages
 should be considerably higher
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 ordinary workers
have
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apply
show examples
since it has a lot of drawbacks.
Firstly
, it is likely to demotivate staff and damage their performance and,
secondly
, it might significantly increase costs for an
enerprise
Correct your spelling
enterprise
 and decrease their final profit.
Submitted by veronika-glinka on

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content
Develop and support your main points with more specific examples and evidence.
structure
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