IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Caring for children is an important thing of the society it is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take child care training courses to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #society #mothers #fathers #child #care #courses
A
Correct article usage
Child
show examples
child
care
 training is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an important activity for a parent to develop their skill in giving the best treatment for their
children
. I personally agree with
this
 statement because human's
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
, mental and physical
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 is formed since they were in childhood. It is very important to create a human with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good character and healthy. In fact, childhood is the best phase to
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
 all of those
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
.
In addition
, a proper method to take
child
care
 determined the success of the
child
's future.
Parents
 are the closest person to a
child
 that
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role in
molding
Change the spelling
moulding
show examples
 their
child
's future.
Children
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very tricky, many adults even
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not know the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
kid's
Correct article usage
a kid's
show examples
 reaction. A wrong
respon
Correct your spelling
response
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
's brutalism may lead to a snowballed problem.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the same time, a new
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 often time do not know the right ways to treat their
children
.
Thus
,
a training courses
Correct the article-noun agreement
training courses
a training course
show examples
 may become an answer to
this
 issue. The courses
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 created by the expert
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 may help
parents
 to understand more about their
children
 and inform
parents
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 best way to deal with their
children
.
As a result
, the conflict between
parents
 and their
children
 will be minimized, while the bonding will be strengthened
instead
. In conclusion, a training course on
child
care
 is very important for
parents
 to take. Especially to those who have no experience in parenting at all. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the information and the method taught will help
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 and
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 deal with their kids in a proper manner.
Therefore
, the good character, healthiness both in mental and physic of their
children
 may come
as a result
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper
care
 of the
children
 in the future.
Submitted by Kusuman.retno on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: