IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Que: Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. We have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is to address it at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #people #address #stage #environment #level
In the view of the modern world, the environmental issue is notorious for humankind.
This
 problem not only affects individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 a large number of
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
countries
 around the world;
thus
, comprehensive actions are needed in order to reduce the undesirable effects. In
this
 essay, I strongly agree an international collaboration is important to preserve
mother nature
Correct your spelling
Mother Nature
show examples
. First and foremost, environmental issues which affect one country can in the same way influence other
countries
.
For example
, in Indonesia, when Riau province in Sumatra Island experienced an immense bushfire in 2018, it produced massive smog which can harm other provinces and
likewise
Rephrase
apply
show examples
other
countries
such
 as Singapore and Malaysia.
As a result
,
this
 phenomenon injured the economic, social, and cultural activities of those
countries
.
In addition
, bushfires might develop inappropriate health issues for communities.
For Instance
, the carbon dioxide would lead to pneumonia, lung cancer, and other respiratory issues.
On the other hand
, global warming is a form of environmental issue on a wider scale and might affect all nations around the world.
For example
, the indirect impact
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a greenhouse effect may lead to an elevation of sea level worldwide;
thus
, many small islands will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sink in 2100,
according to
 the Global Research Foundation of America.
Hence
, a large number of people will lose their properties
as well as
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
 issue can lead to a catastrophic event in the future if multinational movements do not take important action
such
 as an emission agreement. In conclusion, all nations worldwide should have a sense of crisis to the environment and
likewise
 should not neglect mother nature. The international agreement will decrease the negative impact in the future, as long as the local government and communities have a sense of crisis as well.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt by discussing the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. Provide a clear stance and support it throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing an overview of the key points. However, pay attention to the development of ideas and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: