IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard?

#promotion #drives #people #work #workplace #factors #influence
Some
people
 believe that being promoted by your bosses or companies is a way in which
people
 tend to
work
 harder and better than before. I think that there are several reasons which can explain
this
 attitude, but the main one is recognition of their merits.
First
 of all, when your
work
 is valued and you are appreciated in your workplace, you are more likely to
work
 harder and better since you want to demonstrate, to everyone that has faith in you, that you will not disappoint them.
For example
, if you are a surgeon and your boss gives you a very difficult surgery as a reward, you will study night and day in order to succeed in it;
moreover
, once you have overcome your boss's expectations, you will try even harder than before to keep up with them.
In addition
, there are many other factors that have to be taken into consideration
such
 as the environment, in fact when you
work
 with
people
 that you value and are nice to
work
 with, your workplace becomes like a family.
For instance
,
people
 tend to
work
 the hardest where they have the possibility to thrive and have a wonderful career. It was proven that younger
people
 tend to choose a job
also
 based on the employee's intra-relationships since they value more mental health respect to older generations. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that
people
 tend to focus more on their jobs if they have the possibilities to be promoted or to have a wonderful career,
additionally
 when you
work
 in a place you like, you will be more driven to be successful.
Submitted by giulia.piacentini1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: