IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

With the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be oppened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

#demand #oil #gas #areas #world #access #resources
Due to
 the higher demands of fossil fuels, a certain segment of individuals
argues
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argue
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 that we must explore the untouched destinations of the earth in search of energy sources. Though there is a number of supporters of
this
 affirmation, I stand against
this
 and the following paragraphs of
this
 essay will analyze two factors which contribute to my opinion.
To begin
 with, exploring virgin territories may outcome to double the environmental pollution.
As a result
 of the complex mechanisms that we use to extract oil from the fossils, we have already created a number of problems in nature.
For example
, a recent documentary programme which was telecasted on the Discovery Channel revealed
about
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apply
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an American oil pump resulting in to increase in the temperature in the sea waters, and now it has an effect melting down the glaciers at the North
pole
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Pole
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.
Hence
, if we use the existing technologies to explore untouched destinations, that will definitely outcome in polluting nature.
Secondly
, these invasions will destroy the unidentified creatures who live in these areas.
For instance
, there was a report in the international media, about a hydropower plant, in Mexico that resulted in the destruction of a number of indigenous creatures who lived around that area. If it can happen in Mexico, there is no doubt that it will not happen in the alien soils.
Therefore
, we must not consider exploring these grounds for
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
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 of our future generations.
To conclude
, I reiterate that we must not destroy unexplored areas in
searching
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search
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for
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of
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 fuel as it will result
to
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in
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 double the environmental pollution and the extinction of unknown animals.
Instead
 of doing these, we must put our efforts
to find
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into finding
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 more alternative eco-friendly energy sources to protect our mother nature.
Submitted by sprabasara on

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position and previews the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use cohesive devices such as transition words and linking phrases to improve the flow and organization of your ideas. Also, make sure that your conclusion summarizes the main points and restates your position.
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