Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #expectancy #people #workforce

it is argued that nowadays, human beings live longer than in past decades.

Therefore

, from some point of ,view elderly

people

ought to proceed with their job. I entirely disagree with the statement

Change preposition

that

show examples

elderly

people

should continue their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

. In my opinion, currently,

this

segment of society is less productive than younger. To justify my opinion, they

Verb problem

are

show examples

not flexible.

This

is because they are bad at meeting deadlines

for

this

reason big companies look for agile employees.

Along with

that, elderly

people

get a higher remuneration than those

people

who are up to 60 years old. Manufacturers have the inclination to hire workers who work on a low income. To give a clear example of

this

, most of the big USA companies moved to China because of lower labour wages.

That is

why

people

who are above 65 fall behind younger. I

also

think that as technology develops in the workplace, elderly

people

face adaptation issues. They have hardship in learning the latest devices.

However

, rivals are brilliant at absorbing machinery.

Hence

, elderly

people

have fewer chances to be taken on jobs than others. To give a clear example, international companies like Schneider, siemens and

Correct your spelling

show examples

implement internship programs.

In other words

this

decrease

Change the verb form

decreases

show examples

elderly

people

's opportunities to keep in their career.

This

is why they should take retirement, by doing

this

they will open the doors for youngers to embark on a new career

To conclude

, though, some

people

think that elderly

people

should continue their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

, I completely disagree with

this

statement because they have difficulty comprehending new mechanisms in factory

Submitted by malikli.malik1995 on Thu Sep 08 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

In order to improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear and logical structure, and use cohesive devices such as transition words and pronouns to connect ideas and create flow.

task achievement

Your essay lacks complete response in addressing the task. Make sure to fully answer the question, present clear and comprehensive ideas, and support them with relevant specific examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your essays?

Submit an unlimited number of essays. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

Unlock the Full Potential of Writing9

Unlimited Essay Checks: Practice and perfect your skills.
Detailed Error Analysis: Spot every mistake.
In-Built Grammar Checker: Say no to grammatical errors.
Personalized Suggestions: Know how to boost your score.
Progress Tracking: View your checked essay history.
Still thinking? We have a 14-day money-back guarantee. Take a leap of faith!

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? What solutions can you suggest?
It has become an increasing trend for some people to act in an anti-social way without respecting other people, largely influenced by the financial pressure caused by the current economic recession and misleading information in movies and online videos. In my opinion, addressing this issue necessitates finding the underlying causes of the behaviour.
6.5
band
In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays the competition in the marketplace has caused many companies to keep promoting the newest features of their items in order to attract customers I believe this action brings a positive impact to the business’ economy and encourages competitors to innovate.
4
band
Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than working in a company or organisation. why be the cause? what could be the disadvantage.
In current years, many individuals prefer to work for themselves rather than working under anybody or an organisation. This is major because of the availability of technology and people wanting time to themselves. However, there are downsides with self-employed.
7.5
band
People have different views on how to reduce traffic congestion. Some think that governments should build more train and subway lines, while others think that building more roads and widening existing roads will reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have their own perspectives to get better the intensity of traffic. Some of them believe that more underground roads should be built whereas others think that governments should build more lanes and broad roads which are used currently. In this essay, I will argue both views and give my own opinion.
5
band
Some think that economic progress is completely dependent on the country’s success, while others believe that other factors are also important. What are the different factors contributing to the success of a country? Do you believe that only one factor is important, compared to others?
Some people believe that a country's success soley depends on its economic growth but others believe there are other factors that contribute to create a successful country. This essay will discuss about two main factors that contribute to a growing economy and discuss whether one factor is the key when compared to others.

Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older people should continue to be involved in workforce. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Many people believe that today there is a general increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? What solutions can you suggest?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than working in a company or organisation. why be the cause? what could be the disadvantage.

People have different views on how to reduce traffic congestion. Some think that governments should build more train and subway lines, while others think that building more roads and widening existing roads will reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some think that economic progress is completely dependent on the country’s success, while others believe that other factors are also important. What are the different factors contributing to the success of a country? Do you believe that only one factor is important, compared to others?