IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Once children start school teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#children #school #teachers #influence #parents #development
It is often thought that
teachers
 have more impact on intellectual and social aspects of
student's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
 development as they begin
school
. I entirely agree with
this
 notion as they spent quality
time
 together at
school
 as compared to their
home
. To commence with, the
first
 supportive fact is that pupils spent more hours learning at
school
 as compared to their parents at
home
. Because mentors teach them about every single detail of mathematics since their elementary level of education and
consequently
,
this
 would grow their mental level as they learn different aspects of maths but on the other ,hand parents do not spend good
time
 as they are always busy with their work at
home
.
For example
, a recent survey found that 56% of parents spent more
time
 at work and were unable to provide attention to their kids.
Hence
,
teachers
 have a huge part to sharpen the mental level of their students. The
second
 reason why I believe that
teachers
 have more role in student's life to play is that learners can get some breaks
time
 in their
school
time
. In these spare times, their
teachers
 can organise some extracurricular activities where students can get a chance to indulge in social activities.
Therefore
, social bonds with each and everyone could become stronger but at
home
, they can get a hard
time
 doing any group activity because families are getting nuclear and their kids have no one to play with. In India,
for instance
, 67% are nuclear families and no one has
time
 to spend with children.
As a result
,
teachers
 at
school
 only focus on enhancing social skills which would eventually help them to build social bonds with others. In conclusion,
school
 children get more benefit from their
teachers
 who teaches them socially and mentally. So I completely agree with the notion that students are more influenced by their
teachers
.
Submitted by Karamkv13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: