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Band 4.5

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison.

#crime #attack #poverty #lack #opportunities #police #street #people #prison
Nowadays, the rate of
crimes
 in the world is increasing rapidly and there are many different opinions on the best way to reduce crime. Someone argues that improving life and
concentrate
Wrong verb form
concentrating
show examples
 on
education
 are the long-term solutions to cutting
crimes
instead
 of putting more
people
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
prison
.
Besides
 that, increasing the number of
streets
Change the noun form
street
show examples
 police is not
effective
Add an article
an effective
show examples
 way. I am
also
 convinced
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their opinions.
Firstly
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 think that the reason to commit
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 is poverty. As we know, money is not everything, but it is something very important. Because of sustaining their lives, they need to have a lot of cash. Of course, if they do not have any job to able to find out a survey way, they will be easy to commit.
For instance
, these are
crimes
 for money
such
 as
:
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apply
show examples
murdering
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murder
show examples
, smuggling,
robbering
Correct your spelling
robbery
robbers
, thieves, grabbing and so on. Definitely, not only do we need to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life and escape poverty but
also
 focus on
education
. There is no denying that
education
 is crucial for human behaviour. When
Correct your spelling
people
peple
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people
 learn
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 things, justice or how to treat others with calm and respect, they tend to do
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positive
possitive
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positive
 activities.
Education
 gives them the skills to get a job when they leave
prison
, which means
Correct your spelling
that
thay
Correct your spelling
that
 they will probably not re-offend.
Expecially
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Especially
, by learning punishment,
people
 can do the right things.
Therefore
, criminals should be taken part in
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 community.
Although
people
 may be in the
prison
, they
also
 feel they are doing useful work. Perhaps changing their mind.
Simultanrously
Correct your spelling
Simultaneously
, it is not
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necessary
neccesary
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necessary
 that
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more police on the street since
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government
Correct article usage
the govement
show examples
govement
Correct your spelling
government
 should use the money to concentrate on
Correct your spelling
educational
educationnal
Correct your spelling
educational
 opportunities.
On the other hand
, some
people
 agree that long
prison
 sentences are right because the punishment should fit the crime. Examples with some rich
people
.
Although
 someone
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have a poor life, they still commit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
.
Basicly
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Basically
,
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is driven by genetic and
Correct your spelling
environmental
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
. Because of living in a good house,
people
 think preparing
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 future is not
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necessary
neccesary
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necessary
, so it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 easy for them to come to
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 world. They may be
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 criminals.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
 that, for
suatuation
Correct your spelling
situation
 during doing social work, they take an opportunity to escape.
People
also
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believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that cutting the number of street police significantly reduces
people
's fear of
prison
 and
consequently
. In conclusion, I agree that
attack
Replace the word
attacking
show examples
 the causes of
such
 as poverty and
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on
education
 are two effective ways to reduce
crimes
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 that, it is important to understand that some
people
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 real danger to society and need to stay in
prison
 for a very long time.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

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Your opinion

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