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Band 4

It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #aunts #uncles #grandparents #child’s #upbringing #parents
The importance of the whole family
was
Verb problem
has
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 always debatable and has now become more controversial. Many individuals claim that it is beneficial,
while
 others reject
this
 notion. In my opinion,
this
 notion has some advantages . The position of relatives appears to be more rational. In
this
 essay, we will address the positive effects of
this
 trend and
thus
 will lead to a logical conclusion. Myriads of reasons are which will
further
 elaborate
this
 argument, but the most preponderant fact is kids are a wonderful creation of good. Another pivotal aspect is that infants are fascinated by these family members.
Furthermore
, a survey conducted by the prestigious
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of Oxford in London revealed that grandparents, and, uncles are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
essential parts of life.
Similarly
, they increased cultural and traditional information for juveniles.
On the other hand
, parents are busy in their jobs and children feel alone in the house. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that upbringing with others is like a piece of cake.
Besides
, it
is
Verb problem
apply
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also
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
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 decision-making skills in the kids because they
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 more decisions at home.
Moreover
, the article published in the eminent newspaper Hindustan Times depicts that offspring who live with an aunt, and, uncle
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more amiable with society.
In addition
, the population is love kids who respect their older ones. It is pertinent to mention that guardians play a vital role in the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of juveniles owing to their vast impact.
To sum up
,
according to
 the argument aforementioned above, one can reach the conclusion that, the benefits of these family members are instrumental too great. It has superior potential power.
Submitted by naffey07 on

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task response
Address the prompt fully and directly. Make sure to include both your opinion and the reasons for it in a clear and comprehensive way.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure in some parts and the introduction and conclusion could be more developed and comprehensive. Consider organizing your ideas more coherently and using linking words to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language. Avoid repetition and imprecise expressions.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, verb tenses, and grammatical accuracy. Avoid errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice.
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