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Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #topic #phone #years #business #phones #forms
Smartphones significantly changed our
lifes
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lives
 in
vaious
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various
 aspects,
such
 as
person to person
Add a hyphen
person-to-person
show examples
 communication and business,
however
, it is crucial to pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 how much time we spend using them. In fact, on one hand, extended usage of
electronical
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electronic
 devices can lead to serious health issues,
such
 as bad posture and bad headaches, or even cause social problems, like discrimination. In spite of all these
downsides
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,downsides
show examples
 I believe that the
benefints
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of mobile phones are way beyond the cons.
Firstly
 is important to
adrees
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address
 all the
unpleasent
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
 situations that
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
excessive use of phones can lead to,
for example
, I experienced myself consequences of
this
 behaviour. My posture got really bad
due to
 the habit of having my head inclined
while
 using my devices and I'm now exercising to fix my forward head tilt, even
my
Correct word choice
though my
show examples
 sight worsen through
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
. Another
serius
Correct your spelling
serious
 issue could be related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 how over people perceive us and with the possibility for everyone to express their opinions it is common to be
dicriminated
Correct your spelling
discriminated
 against because you don't follow social trends.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 it is impossible not to notice how things were made easier by
tecnological
Correct your spelling
technological
 progress,
for example
, nowadays is way less complicated to look for a job thanks to the development of online sites where you are able to put your cv and get hired.
Moreover
, making some extra profit by selling stuff we don't need
anymore
Replace the word
any more
show examples
 it is now almost
fool proof
Correct your spelling
foolproof
show examples
 and sites like
Ebay
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eBay
 are flourishing. In conclusion, I believe the game is worth the candle with
Correct article usage
the advatages
show examples
advatages
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advantages
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 mobiles
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
over
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
,
althought
Correct your spelling
although
 it is crucial to be
carefull
Correct your spelling
careful
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 how much time we waste on them and how long we are truly living our life.
Submitted by cattariky02 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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