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Band 4.5

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too.​ Discuss both views and give your own opinion. ​

#people #managers #decisions #company #employees #process
It is considered by many that the process of making decisions in the
company
 should be only decided by managers ,
while
 some believe that workers should participate in that part. The supporting
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 of both views will be discussed in the essay. On the one hand, employees are people who work for the
company
,they are the base of business. Some of them may have a deep understanding of products or services.
For example
, car sellers need to have knowledge of the types of cars that they going to sell or
in other
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 they should be the master of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 items.
In addition
, some customers brought the car because they were satisfied with the seller's presentation and the seller's personality.
Hence
, their opinion is
also
 significant to support the way for business improvement.
On the other hand
, some argue that
this
 will use a long period in the decision process the reason that a large number of people need to large time to
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 decisions.
For instance
 , if the
company
 has 100 workers, they have to wait for days or weeks to collect their
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
.
Moreover
, it can make the
company
 lose profit. In my point of view, it depends on the population,the method that made the decision
together with
 employees can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 in an office that contains a small amount of population if used by a group that contains a large amount it will give drawbacks
instead
. In conclusion, employers may get new ideas from employees but they might be wasting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time waiting for the ideas .
Submitted by nuchnapa.anna on

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task response
Expand on the arguments for both views and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to improve the logical flow between ideas. Also, consider restructuring your sentences to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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