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Band 7.5

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. To what extent do you agree?

#idea #career #fashion #careers #money #education #life
There is no denying the fact that the phenomenon of opting for multiple income sources and higher education is ubiquitous across the globe. I am wholeheartedly in favour of
this
 trend as
this
 offers numerous benefits to people
such
 as job security and keeping up with the trend.
Furthermore
, the upcoming paragraphs will cover the aforementioned points in detail leading to a suitable conclusion. To commence with, considering two major factors of the economy- inflation and job security, individuals have decided to adapt to the newer culture in fashion
that is
 to have several sources of income. Take content creation
for instance
, it has enabled folks to showcase their creative side on social media platforms and in return they are earning loads of money
along with
 their regular jobs.
As a result
, they are ready to put a little extra effort for the first few years in multiple fields rather than sitting idle and waiting for themselves to be rich.
Secondly
, owing to the advancement in technology, several platforms have enabled patrons to pursue higher education from the comfort of their own homes. People are smart enough to lose
such
 great opportunities which would help them to learn new technologies and
moreover
 to survive in
this
 cut-throat environment. To cite an example, digital marketing is the hot potato and anyone who wants to learn about the same has the leverage of multiple online resources to start with.
To conclude
, relying on one single employment is an outdated notion, the world is progressing faster and so are humans. I agree with the fact that moonlighting and learning new technologies are the latest trends and they seem to expand rapidly. I believe that the aforementioned points are strongly supporting my viewpoint.
Submitted by jyotiarora940 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear opinion on the topic and supports it with relevant examples. However, some points could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is generally strong, with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are well-supported and connected. However, some additional linking devices could be used to further enhance coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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