People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families？

#people #countries #time #families #happen #effects #families？

this

fast-paced life,

people

rarely stay at home and spend time with families for several reasons, including working, studying, and marriage. It may contribute to some negative influence on their relationship with

significant

Correct pronoun usage

their significant

show examples

other

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. There are two main factors that lead to

this

phenomenon.

To begin

with, so fierce is the competition that most employees need to work in other countries or cities. In the capital, there are more opportunities for youngsters and job-seekers to gain a well-paid salary

as well as

develop their career paths.

For instance

, the salary in Western countries is higher than that in Asian nations;

consequently

, plenty of workers would rather select foreign work as their occupation.

In addition

, most international enterprises and large-scale companies would be located in topical in a nation. For the purpose of gaining a better opportunity, most

people

would like to apply for large enterprises.

As a result

, some

people

have no other choice but to leave their hometown

for making

Change preposition

to make

show examples

a living.

Nevertheless

, it

also

gives rise to several negative impacts.

Firstly

, depression and anxiety may come

along with

homesickness. Family plays a vital role in

people

’s life;

whereas

people

leave their family and live alone, it seems to lose support and accompany by close other.

Consequently

, it may even influence their working performance or academic performance.

Secondly

, long-distance relationships may affect

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

marital

affair

Fix the agreement mistake

affairs

show examples

Although

there are a number of social media that could help us keep in touch without regional restrictions, it is still too hard for any of us to maintain long-distance relationships.

Therefore

, it is undeniable that it may impact family ties and even harm marriage. In conclusion, compared to life before,

people

spend less time with their families for some reasonable personal reasons,

such

as working; at the same time, we should emphasize that it may affect our relationship with our significant other.

Submitted by wayne685241 on Sun Aug 06 2023

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task response

The essay addresses the prompt to a good extent, offering reasons for spending time away from families and discussing the effects. However, the discussion could be more focused and specific.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure is generally clear, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from stronger coherence and better organization of ideas within paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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16Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families？

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The picture below shows the differences in the layout of the conference centre

Some people think that global environmental problems should be dealth with locally. Others think that they should be dealth will locally. DIscuss both views and give your opinion

Write your personal statement. Is there a problem.

Topic: In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people prefer shopping in shopping centres while others prefer local markets. What are the advantages of each? Which shopping experience do you prefer? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.