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Band 9

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#money #people’s #lives #people #right #factors #life
For decades, the importance of cash has been enhanced among citizens. There has been a sharp increase in the percentage of materialistic swarms as time goes by ;
however
, there is some doubt about
this
 process. In
this
 essay, I will give answers to both questions appropriately.
Initially
, there is no doubt coin has an integral role in our hearts but
this
 value has influenced our lives in a negative way since people keep struggling to earn more money
while
 they do have not enough time to spend it;
therefore
,
this
 progress should be in a balance because we need money to survive
due to
 the life expenditure.
For example
, earning the amount of silver for spending monthly should be our aim
instead
 of working overtime with a view to collecting much of it in diverse banks and
thus
,
this
 valuable paper should not take control of our soul in a negative way.
Secondly
, there are quite a few prominent factors
such
 as putting aside an array of time to spend with family members, paying attention to our mental along physical health and so on.
In addition
, it is obvious that having a lovely conversation releases Cerotin; a hormone that makes you cheerful, a feeling that can not be purchased with money.
For instance
, nothing can bring you peace like doing some exercise every day;an activity with several positive aspects
hence
, these are examples of items which are essential in people's growth and they can not be compared with a coin. In conclusion, the position of cash in the modern world can not be denied;
nonetheless
, it should not be ranked above other emotional factors. Personally, in my opinion, folks ought to comprehend how to manage both perfectly.
Submitted by mehrdad.salahi2003 on

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Tone and Style
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Simplicity
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Punctuation
Ensure punctuation is appropriately used to avoid run-on sentences, enhancing the overall coherence of your essay.
Structure
Excellent structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that effectively address the essay prompt.
Content
Your essay demonstrates a deep understanding of the subject by providing relevant examples and reasoning.
Balanced Discussion
You've successfully created a balanced discussion on the importance of money versus other aspects of a good life, showing thorough comprehension of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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