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Band 4

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#homelessness #cities #world #measures
Nowadays, there are plenty of potential social issues
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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happening in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
, homelessness is dramatically increasing in rural areas in the whole world. Personally, I think there are several causes
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
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 to
this
 situation, and the following content will describe the reasons and the solutions. Overpopulation is one of the crucial
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 which lead to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 homelessness. In rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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, people
take
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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benefit
of
Change preposition
from
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 better medical, educational and financial
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
, which not only provide a better environment but
also
 attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alien citizens to move
in
Change preposition
to
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this
 district.
As a result
, the more and more
immigrants
 cause the population
surging
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to surge
show examples
,
in contrast
, the amount of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 in the cities doesn’t have time to react to
this
 situation.
Therefore
, for those who didn’t have the ability to afford a temporary living place, they could become
the
Correct article usage
apply
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homeless in the
city
. Enhancing the quality of life in the countryside could be a solution to
solve
Verb problem
apply
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the
immigrants
flood
Change the form of the verb
flooding
show examples
 into the
city
 areas. In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should redesign and expand the
area
 of the
city
,
for example
, increase the amount of amenities and infrastructures in the faraway villages. As the citizens can get the resource same as the
city
area
,
then
 it will lower the attraction for the
immigrants
 to move to the rural
area
. In conclusion, overpopulation is a major
reasons
Change the noun form
reason
show examples
 that leads to homelessness. In my opinion, the best way to solve
this
 situation is that improve the living quality of the countryside to reduce
immigrants
.
Submitted by youn.21 on

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task response
The essay response addresses the question to a limited extent. It provides some relevant ideas but lacks depth of analysis. More specific examples and a clearer connection to the causes and solutions of homelessness are needed.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and coherence, while the conclusion provides a summary of the main points but does not effectively tie back to the introduction. The logical progression of ideas is somewhat hindered by the lack of clear transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
lexical resource
There is a reasonable attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but errors in word choice and collocations affect the clarity and precision of the expression. Some awkward or inaccurate phrasing is present, impacting the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a partial control of a range of structures and sentence forms, but there are noticeable errors in sentence structure, word forms, and tense usage. These errors impede the overall communication and clarity of the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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