IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 9

Some people believe that increasing tax on various industries will reduce pollution whereas others believe that there are better ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #tax #industries #pollution
It is true that pollution is alarmingly becoming more serious
due to
 the industries.
While
 many people think that air and water pollution can be alleviated if the government expands the charges on numerous industrial areas, I agree with those who argue that other superior methods could be adopted to solve
this
 problem. On the one hand, it is justified why some people advocate the view that paying extra charges might help to tackle the problem of pollution.
To begin
 with, the quality of air and water resources could be improved considerably thanks to the punishment of paying a heavy tax. It is undeniable that the factories may release a myriad of harmful chemicals in plastic-making processes and clothing into the rivers which can put the marine ecosystem at a disadvantage to be able to exist.
Therefore
, the government is in charge of introducing the law
such
 as paying the fine to the industries so that they will discharge fewer unused materials outside the environment.
On the other hand
, I contend that several
further
 outcomes can be implemented to improve the situation.
Firstly
, the authorities should encourage the factories to put more resources into the water treatment system. Using
this
 system to deal with harmful waste before dumping it into the rivers can minimize the negative effects on the natural habitat.
In addition
, there is a need for factories to recycle as much as possible.
This
 is perfectly exemplified in the case of putting advanced technology into practice so as to reduce wastes including unused wool and chemicals, and, use organic materials as a fuel replacement. In conclusion, there are many benefits regarding increasing taxes on the industries,
whereas
, I believe that it is more beneficial to adopt other alternative measures.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To further enhance your essay, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This approach helps to maintain the reader's focus and underscores the coherence of your arguments.
Language Usage
While your essay perfectly aligns with the task’s requirements, adding a wider variety of complex sentence structures could enhance your language's richness and fluency. Experiment with different types of sentences and syntactic variations for a more dynamic presentation of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Consider integrating more specific examples or case studies to substantiate your arguments, even though your essay thoroughly addresses the given task. Providing real-world instances can deepen the reader's understanding and strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
You've displayed a robust argument structure by discussing both viewpoints and clearly stating your opinion, which demonstrates an excellent understanding of the essay's requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay exhibits a clear logical flow of ideas and proper paragraphing, which significantly aids readability and coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have effectively utilized a variety of cohesive devices and vocabulary pertinent to the essay's theme, contributing to the overall clarity and cohesion of your text.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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