Peoples believe that individuals are responsible for their happiness. Others believe that different factors of people’s life influence happiness. Discuss both views. State your opinion

There is no denying the fact that
happiness
in
people
's lives.
While
it is a commonly held belief that
people
are responsible for their
happiness
, there is
also
an argument that there are reasons that make
people
's life unhappy.
This
essay will discuss
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, individuals are responsible for their
happiness
whenever and wherever they are.
In other words
,
happiness
does not depend on other things
such
as family state , and work environment .
In addition
,
happiness
depends on satisfying and living with conditions
and
Correct word choice
apply
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beyond just money.
For example
, if a person wakes up and said I am happy today , he will be happy all day even if he has debts and family problems.
On the other hand
, there are numerous factors that influence
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It is
also
possible to say that family circumstances and the stress of work play a crucial role in feeling unhappy.
Moreover
, fund conditions affect
people
, since they will think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
to finish it daily.
For instance
, there are statistics
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
conducted by the Ministry of Health in Saudi Arabia which explain that 60 per cent of depression patients have had major problems. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance ,
however
, I tend to believe that family, work , and society in
people
's lives influence them to feel happy.
Submitted by fatemah221027 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly state both views and your opinion. Also, it should provide a roadmap of what will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied language. Avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structures and grammar. Make sure your sentences are clear and error-free.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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