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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

#research #activities #health #millions #people
In modern times, even though the majority of the population is well aware of the health benefits and disadvantages that certain
activities
 bring, they lead unhealthy lifestyles.
This
 essay aims to discuss the main causes of
this
 phenomenon and suggest several solutions. It is understandable why citizens’ lifestyles are usually unhealthy-oriented as
activities
 that are detrimental to one’s health can be immensely addictive.
This
 is evidenced by the ever-increasing death rate caused by consuming excessive doses of nicotine, a fatal substance that grants instant gratification and is included in numerous products in our daily lives
such
 as cigarettes and vape pods. Another primary reason for citizens’ unhealthy lifestyles is hygienic
activities
 are not properly taught and advertised.
For example
, the bulk of traditional schools worldwide rarely implement physical education into their curriculums,
hence
 making the students underestimate the benefits of exercising.
Additionally
, governments around the globe seldom establish advertising campaigns regarding health, which directly contributes to the act that eliminates healthy
activities
 from citizens’ daily priorities. Despite the severity of
this
 issue, it is entirely soluble. First and foremost, the financial involvement of the government is essential since establishing subtle monetary policies can greatly alter the general
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of citizens.
For example
, raising the taxes on tobacco can not only tremendously hinder the production level of
this
 product but
also
 raise its prices, which could result in a drastic decline in nicotine consumption.
Secondly
, corporations and academic institutions should implement physical
activities
 into their curriculums and organize more sports competitions to increase the engagement of students and workers in physical
activities
.
This
 practice undoubtedly incentivizes them to exercise more often, thereby laying a foundation for a healthy workforce and a thriving education system. In conclusion,
although
 the lack of participation in healthy
activities
 of the population is on the rise, it is entirely soluble with the correct measures.
Submitted by nghjnguyendanh on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the main causes of unhealthy lifestyles and offers potential solutions, fulfilling the requirements of the task. However, the ideas could have been further developed and supported with more examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are logically presented and supported, but there is room for improvement in terms of transition between paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and effectively communicates the ideas. However, there is potential to include more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance coherence and cohesion.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures used accurately. However, there are occasional errors that could be addressed to further improve grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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