IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many student’s todays take part in the work experience sessions for a short period of time instead of attending school. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#student’s #todays #part #work #sessions #period #time #school #development
It has been the popular trend for some time now to put
children
 into what can
we
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 called
work
placement
 experience. The
children
are take
Change the verb form
are taken
show examples
 out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
school
 and take part in the various type of
work
. Usually for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
week
. Some people criticize
this
 trend but I cannot see any reason it can be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative development. One of the
criticism
Fix the agreement mistake
criticisms
show examples
 is that
children
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 the
week
 of
school
work
. With the pressure they can do well at the
school
,
children
 need every bit of help to maximize their potential. Taking out from
school
, it is
therefore
 argued,
stop
Correct subject-verb agreement
stops
show examples
 them from getting access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the needed education for a
week
.
For instance
, the student won’t be really much help at the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 for just one
week
.
However
, it would be better for them to remain at the
school
.
Although
this
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
valid point, taking the
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 entire experience of
school
 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account, a single
week
 away does not make a significant difference. without a doubt, if the timing of the
week
Change noun form
week's
show examples
work
placement
 is done correctly. The
week
 can be served as kind of a holiday away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
, sometime that break is needed in order to allow
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
remain
Fix the infinitive
to remain
show examples
 fresh and enthusiastic. In many
work
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
place
Add a comma
place,
show examples
children
 see some of
things
Add an article
the things
show examples
 which they have
learn
Change the form of the verb
learned
show examples
 at
school
 and
put
Add a missing verb
are put
show examples
 into
realistic
Add an article
a realistic
show examples
 context, allowing them to understand the relevancy of the
work
 they have
learn
Change the form of the verb
learned
show examples
thus
 creating a way to emphasize the learning.
In addition
 to
this
,
school
Correct your spelling
schoolchildren
show examples
children
 can be quite nervous about the world of
work
 that they have to
at
Add a missing verb
do at
show examples
 the time of some point. By getting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 little taste of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
what
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
look
Wrong verb form
looks
show examples
 like. From these
children
 will have some idea of
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
what they want to do for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 living, but are not sure
.
Change preposition
about.
show examples
 By allowing them to see
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 type of
work
 they are bearing in mind which will allow them to decide that the carrier they are looking for is suitable for them. I believe that the
work
placement
 can be seen
Change preposition
as the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive development. Missing a short amount of
school
 is not
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
serious and the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 that can be gained from the
placement
 are substantial.
Submitted by ieltsexpert185 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all points directly relate to the topic and address both the positive and negative aspects.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay into paragraphs and use clear linking devices to improve overall coherence.
lexical resource
Expand vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases to express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and avoid errors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: