IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Write about the following topic: Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #students #life #careers #study #occupations #school #subjects
It is a common belief that teenagers should spend more time training professional
skills
 for their adult lives,
while
 I believe that exploring interests in a more widespread way would be more beneficial for young adults. My opinions will be discussed in
further
 paragraphs with a suitable conclusion. On the one hand, some people assume that the more unique
skills
 a person has, the higher the possibility that person would not be able to be replaced.
Such
 as cooking or manufacturing
skills
.
Secondly
, the practical
skills
, which they are authentically interested in, could not only help them have more learning motivation but
also
 help them reallocate time to have enough rest time after school days.
Thirdly
, putting more effort into vocational training
instead
 of every field’s lesson could help reduce the massive pressure caused by school tasks.
For instance
, more and more research indicates that there is a higher risk for highly educated people suffering from depression.
On the other hand
, it is difficult for the new generation to decide their future perspective nowadays. To be more specific, new occupations keep breaking out in recent years with ever-changing technology. It is almost impossible to ensure which jobs will not be replaced.
For example
, CHAT-GPT is gradually overtaking copywriters and translators.
As a result
, I would argue that it is wiser to establish all-around foundations by learning all regular subjects designed by the school to face the rapidly changing modern days. In conclusion, I firmly believe that regular subjects should not be optional in young-generation classrooms.
Submitted by vincent3725416 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates to the main point of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion by providing a clear statement of your position and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: