IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
Today,
it is clear that
 in some developed countries a large number of individuals
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 sick
due to
 consuming too many harmful
meals
.
However
,the
government
 have to put bills for these type of
food
.I partly agree that the
government
 should restrict fast
food
 in order to avoid obesity of human.
However
,fast
food
 centres may diminish their number which can have a negative impact on the economy of the country I consider that employers working in
government
 need to impose some taxes to prevent any kind of diseases as I mentioned.
For instance
,in the USA there are some states that have rules
such
 as,not being allowed to purchase fast foods more than 30 times a week
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
punishment
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
for consuming unhealthy foods and more over banning them from junk
meals
 at a certain time.
Furthermore
, we should educate our young ones from early school ages about the importance of exercising, so it can be a daily routine for all members of the community.
To begin
 with disagreement,it is obviously a fact that fast
food
 was born for everyone.
This
 is because of the inexpensive prices.
Initially
, the
government
 have to think about the people who can not allow them well prepare
meals
.
Rephrase
well.
show examples
In addition
,convenience
food
 is a time-saving.
This
 means that we do not have to spend many hours on snack preparation and cleanup.
For example
, workers who have to go to their job every day from the early morning until night may not have time to cook their
meals
 or parents who care about them Имран Бро: In conclusion,there are still some negative sides of junk
food
, but the number of people who will consume them will not decline. By the way,the
government
 should not put restrictions on fast
food
 to avoid economic issues
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure a clear position is taken in response to the prompt. Clearly agree or disagree and provide reasons to support the position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize ideas and arguments in a logical and coherent manner. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and the ideas should flow smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Expand vocabulary by using a variety of words and phrases. Avoid repetition and use precise and accurate language.
Grammatical Range
Demonstrate a wide range of grammatical structures and accurately use complex sentences. Avoid errors in grammar and punctuation.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: