IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the difficulties people have when they move to a new country and how the problems vary according to people’s ages.

The bar chart shows the difficulties people have when they move to a new country and how the problems vary according to people’s ages.
#bar #difficulties #people #move #country #people’s #ages
The bar chart provides data
Change preposition
on
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the challenges faced by
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people if they stay abroad.In overview, human beings from adulthood
age
 to early old
age
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 problems when they are living in other nations.
Firstly
, more
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 from the
age
 of eighteen to thirty-four
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 hard
hard
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
for them to make friends in other countries.It is represented with
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest percentage of about 46% as compared to all other ages on the graph.
Secondly
,
humans
Change preposition
for humans
show examples
 above 55 years, it is
also
 difficult when they want to learn the local language abroad and approximately 55% out of 60% of these people
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
this
 problem.
Therefore
, almost 29% of 18-34 years
have facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 the same issue and
this
 is the least clan
whom they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not
understanding
Change the verb form
understand
show examples
 the local language in the country. To add, from the
age
 of 18 to 54, human beings
are suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from searching
somewhere
Change preposition
for somewhere
show examples
 to live and around 38 to 39 percent of these people
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for habitation.Early older humans
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
this
 trouble much as compared to other below ages and it is characterised by the lowest percentage of just above 20%
Submitted by cajaah93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: