IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? what can be done to deal with this situation?

#professionals #doctors #teachers #countries #work #situation
Nowadays, the majority of
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 skilled
people
 especially doctors and teachers prefer to live in affluent countries rather than their native land.
This
 essay will elaborate on the main issues of brain drain including reducing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
literacy and being less available
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 services within a country and
then
 outline reasonable remedies
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 increasing remunerations and improving
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the conditions in the workplaces. First of all, perhaps the main problems which are caused by the movement of professionals are a drop in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of educated
people
 and not finding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
relevant human resources
in particular
 areas.
Thus
, educated
people
 have to leave their homeland because of paying less attention to them, and they commence to benefit other governments. The statistics by the UN, state that every year, the educational level of countries undergoes
0.9
Correct article usage
a 0.9
show examples
 % reduction
due to
 the literate persons` emigration from their native home and the population of developing countries feel their absence in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and education sector. Regarding possible solutions, perhaps the immediate step would be to encourage human beings to stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their motherland with the help of raising awards and payments as the result of their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and furnish them with
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 work environment.
People
 need to feel that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 knows their value and it is worth
to live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 there. To give an instance, after allocating the special budget in Turkey for the specialists in their fields in terms of wages and cutting-edge technologies, the number of emigrants has fallen up to 8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
To sum up
, in today's fast-paced
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 the migration of
people
 surges day by day.
This
 essay concentrated on how
this
 leads to issues
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 low-level literacy degrees and
Correct article usage
the disappearing
show examples
disappearing
Replace the word
disappearance
show examples
 of some sectors and feasible settlements as giving more attention to these fields in terms of finances and provision.
Submitted by babayeva.ilayda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Address all parts of the task and present a clear position throughout the response.
coherence and cohesion
Organize information and ideas coherently. There should be a clear overall progression with paragraphs and/or sections.
lexical resource
Use a wide range of vocabulary with flexibility and precision.
grammatical range
Use a variety of complex structures. Errors are present but do not impede communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: