IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

New technologies and ways of buying and selling goods are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#technologies #goods #lives #consumers
Technology
 development in recent times has massively impacted consumer behaviour and their lives. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 statement in two respects, first gadgets likely make the process simpler that
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
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human's
Change noun form
human
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 mobility and health, and
second,
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 changes will lead to disruptions in industries in order to win the market competition.
First,
the thriving of
technology
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 involves many aspects especially the way humans act. The
technology
 objectives are to simplify human life, with all-in-hand features.
Therefore
, it can make limitations on human mobility.
For example
, people do not need to walk or go outside to buy a meal, just sit, and grab the phone, and the food will arrive.
As a result
, people do little to nothing body movement, and it seems to affect their health.
Second,
industries need to adapt to
technology
 development. The fast pace of the delivery system, easiness of serving the products to customers and the way goods are sold and paid for are important keys to be prevailed by them.
For example
, the digitalization of payment methods has affected the preference of buyers in choosing the store.
Therefore
, customers possibly opt to buy in more digital shops when they are buying something.
In addition
, the dissemination of payment
technology
 will lead to irrefutable effects on how sellers sell their products. In sum,
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 development causes transformation in how people buy and sell, not only on a small scale of economic objects but
also
 on a bigger scale. A plethora of preemptive ways to overcome its negative effects
needed
Add a missing verb
is needed
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. So, the
technology
 will likely be benign for human health and market competition.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing with distinct topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Include a detailed and clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summary of the main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to clearly illustrate your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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