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Band 4

Today, many people do not know their neghbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neghbours #cities
Today, with the ongoing development of technology, many
people
 living in large metropolitan areas are disconnected from their
neighbours
 and make no effort to get to know them.
This
 essay will cite
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 that
this
 causes and suggest methods to combat them. It must be understood that a
community
 is built on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal relationships,
hence
 when
neighbours
 do not interact with
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
, the
community
 would feel soulless, as there are not any
link
Fix the agreement mistake
links
show examples
 between the
people
 of that
community
.
As a result
, communities will slowly lose their identities,
Furthermore
, when a person actively avoids speaking with the
people
 living beside them
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 often viewed as
unsocialble
Correct your spelling
unsocial
, selfish and suspicious.
This
 is true in Japan, where it is traditional for newly arrived inhabitants to meet and greet their
neighbours
 with gifts to introduce themselves, if they
refused
Wrong verb form
refuse
show examples
 to do so, they will be
shunted
Correct your spelling
shunned
show examples
 from the
community
 and excluded from communal events.
However
, there are many ways to mitigate
this
 problem.
Firstly
, many
people
 attribute their
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
 lifestyles
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 not getting to know their
neighbours
 better,
this
 is a credible point as workers in the modern age are put under an
enoumous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 amount of stress from work, family and social responsibilities.
However
, workers only need to spend a few minutes of their time to build a stable relationship.
Secondly
, the
community
 can organize events for
people
 on national holidays, in order to give
people
 the opportunity to have a nice chat, play games together and have fun.
For instance
, During Tet, the
community
 can hold a
new year's
Correct your spelling
New Year's
show examples
 party and invite everyone to come.
Lastly
,
people
 are becoming more and more reliant on social media to meet new
people
, so much so that they often overlook the
people
 living next door,
thus
 we should promote
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 interactions more. Taking everything into consideration,
neighbours
 are currently not making any efforts to get to know each other is a major issue.
Hence
,
this
 essay has shown the effects and proposed ways of mitigating
this
 issue.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of the essay are present, but they lack clarity and focus. The main points are supported, but the essay lacks a clear logical structure. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disorganized manner, affecting the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The response addresses the task prompt, but some ideas lack clarity and coherence. The supported main points are somewhat relevant to the task, but there is room for improvement in presenting clear and comprehensive ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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