Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Many
people
argue that
money
is considered a factor to be happy in
life
,
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like it is the only main factor toward
happiness
. Meanwhile, in my opinion,
people
still can have a great
life
consist
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consisting of
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a lot of
happiness
even though they do not have a lot of
money
,
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because there are many
aspecst
Correct your spelling
aspects
of
life
that
also
play a vital role in creating
happiness
.
Although
having
money
brings
happiness
, it does not necessarily mean that
people
with a small amount of
money
are unhappy.
For example
, the comparison between citizens in a developing country and developed
countries
. It is true regarding the fact that
people
earn a lot of income in developing
countries
, but it is commonly said by those Westerners who
life
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live
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, grew up, and
pursue
Wrong verb form
pursued
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a career in their country that
people
in developing
countries
appeared
Wrong verb form
appear
show examples
to be
more
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happier,
moreover
, they
also
have a stronger connection among members of their family
thus
making them always stay together through ups and downs which is lead to
a
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gratitude for the simplicity of
life
than those in developed
countries
.
Finally
, another factor influencing
happiness
is by having supporting and loving
people
in one’s
life
. Those factors are commonly used as a benchmark to start living in a new place or choose to stay at one working place.
For instance
, being surrounded by neighbourhoods is considered by most
people
to be more valuable than any amount of
money
, because they can get peace of mind and heart without any worries.
Likewise
,
to
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working in a place,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will turn to job satisfaction if we have helpful colleagues and bosses. In conclusion,
money
is indeed essential
of
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to
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happiness
, but
people
can
also
reach
those
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that happiness
show examples
happiness
from anywhere and any aspect of
life
,
such
as loving family, neighbour, and even job satisfaction.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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task response
Ensure that your ideas are more closely aligned with the prompt and provide a clearer stance on the issue of money and happiness.
coherence and cohesion
Work on developing a more coherent and cohesive structure for your essay. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the overall topic and support the main argument.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate words to express your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. This will help to convey your ideas clearly and effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Promoting happiness
  • Essential factors
  • Financial stability
  • Material wealth
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Contentment
  • Basic needs
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Social connections
  • Pursuing passions
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Spiritual practices
  • Personal growth
  • Community service
  • Societal contribution
  • Philanthropy
  • Joy
  • Satisfaction
  • Prosperity
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