IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
It is argued by individuals that the lack of
plants
 and
animals
in particular
 species is the principal ecological issue;
however
, other people say that there are significant
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues. From my perspective, I agree with the former viewpoint because living things can contribute to a stable place in
this
 life. It is somewhat true that pollution is
also
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big
challenges
Fix the agreement mistake
challenge
show examples
 that arises and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 attention to improve
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Additionally
, health
problems
 would be intertwined if those
problems
 could not be handled straight away.
For example
, a doctor from one of the
pretigious
Correct your spelling
prestigious
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 in Indonesia in 2022 reported the worst quality of air pollution has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
increased
show examples
 over the years.
As a result
 of
this
, 23% of citizens in Indonesia suffer from lung
problems
.
However
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some humankind who assert that nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
particular species of
plants
 and
animals
 are in need of awareness because those could secure
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
for
this
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
plants
 help to spread oxygen and
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
absorb carbon dioxide
as well as
 other elements that
harmful
Add a missing verb
are harmful
show examples
,
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
animals
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
 charge of
make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
 a stable
life-cycle
Correct your spelling
life cycle
show examples
.
For instance
, the
organization
Capitalize word
Organization
show examples
 for
rare
Correct your spelling
Rare Animals
show examples
animals
 and
plants
Capitalize word
Plants
show examples
 made statements
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the newspaper in 2017, they were said
15
Correct word choice
that 15
show examples
% of species that have been lost made the forest’s appearance
worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 there were some
problems
 like the contamination of
area
Add an article
the area
show examples
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 creatures that need recognition because if humanity lost them, the environment would be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unstable place to
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
.
Submitted by heyyo on

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position clarity
Be sure to maintain a clear position throughout your response. Your essay sometimes wavers between different viewpoints which can confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of your opinion.
logical progression
Improve cohesion by better organizing your ideas. This can be achieved by more effectively using linking words and arranging paragraphs so that there is a clear and logical progression of ideas.
example specificity
To enhance your task achievement, expand on your examples by giving more specific details. This will strengthen your argument and provide a more complete response to the prompt.
lexical diversity
Your lexical resource is adequate, but to achieve a higher score, diversify your vocabulary. Avoid repetition of words and phrases by using synonyms and varied language.
grammatical accuracy
Your grammatical range could be improved. Aim to include a variety of sentence structures and ensure correct grammatical forms are used throughout the essay.
spelling and diction
Be attentive to your spelling and wording to avoid errors ('pretigious' should be 'prestigious', 'more better' should be 'better'). These mistakes can impact the perceived level of English proficiency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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