Some young people like to copy the behavior and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problem can it cause?

#people #copy #behavior #clothes #be #case

Nowadays, certain young individuals tend to imitate

celebrities

’

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and

fashion

because they view those famous

people

as their role models.

This

issue is still debatable as

people

hold different opinions on what are the causes and effects of

this

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. In my aspect,

this

imitation

found in

youngsters

is the result of the prevalence of social

media

which leads to an excessive desire for a luxurious and ostentatious lifestyle, and

this

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

causes

youngsters

to lose their

individuality

for wanting to be someone else. With

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

regard to the cause, celebrity

imitation

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

found among

people

is attributed to social

media

consumption. Social

media

is full of fabricated content showing off lifestyle and

fashion

people

tend to try to look perfect online in order to gain likes and comments. Especially, the

celebrities

who need to maintain high social

media

engagement for their monetary return in careers. The case is that when the followers, especially the young ones, consume these perfect posts from

celebrities

they easily feel jealous and intimidated as

youngsters

are still mentally vulnerable and not confident.

As a result

, young

people

start to copy the lifestyle and

fashion

of these famous

people

. The subsequent problems found in young

people

are the loss of

individuality

and

never- ending

Correct your spelling

never-ending

show examples

demands.

Imitation

of celebrity

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

can prevent

youngsters

from finding their true lifestyles

such

as hobbies or

fashion

. They sacrifice their vulnerable

adolescents

Change noun form

adolescents'

adolescent's

show examples

time to copy

celebrities

instead

of finding themselves which will significantly damage their sense of

individuality

Also

, the

imitation

of affluent

celebrities

will cause incessant demands as those vulnerable young adolescents will believe that purchasing the same material items that those

celebrities

possess will bring them closer to

become

Wrong verb form

becoming

show examples

those

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

famous icons. To summarize, the prevalence of social

media

which shows the ideal life of

celebrities

urges young individuals to imitate the

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and styles of famous

people

As a result

, those

youngsters

’ self-confidence is susceptible;

therefore

this

imitation

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

can easily damage their

individuality

and stimulate unnecessary demands.

Submitted by dondollaraus on Thu Nov 16 2023

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Introduction & Conclusion

Ensure your introduction provides a clear context and indicates the direction your essay will take. Your introduction sets the topic well, but it could have more explicitly outlined both the causes and the potential problems associated with the behavior.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a mixture of discourse markers to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly. While your text has logical structure, aim for a variety of connecting words and phrases rather than relying on the same transitions.

Support & Development

Remember that each paragraph should explore a single main idea. Ensure you develop your main points with appropriate support, such as concrete examples or explanations, which were somewhat lacking in your essay.

Task Response

While you covered the task reasonably well, providing more specific examples and deeper exploration into the implications would enhance task achievement. Aim for detailed analysis and deeper insights into the issue under discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

333 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some young people like to copy the behavior and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problem can it cause?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, companies allow people to work from home. In others, people are still expected to work in an office. Discuss both views

Things like puzzles, board games and pictures can contribute to a child’s development. What would you give a child to help him/her develop and why? Give details and examples in your explanation.

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn about the news. However, others believe that they can learn the news more effectively through other media. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?