Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many food and drink manufacturers add a lot of
sugar
to their products, which causes many health problems. Some people think we should raise the price of these goods to restrain the public from consuming sugar
. In my view, I disagree with this
opinion because the potential issues will be taken.
Granted, I cannot deny that increasing the cost of sugar
products may yield some benefits for individuals and governments. From a personal perspective, this
policy might prompt individuals to consume less sugar
, as heightened prices often lead people to critically assess the necessity of certain foods
and drinks. From a societal perspective, the higher charge for sugary foods
may bring more taxes to local governments, which can be allocated towards enhancing local infrastructure, including hospitals and schools, ultimately elevating the overall
living standards in the area.
However
, reaching the above conclusions does not necessarily mean the drawbacks of this
policy can be ignored. For one thing, an increase in the price of sugary foods
could result in reduced consumer spending, posing a threat to the food industry as it may struggle to secure adequate orders, potentially leading to an economic downturn. For another thing, it is inequitable for low-income families to increase the price of sugar
because they may rely on cheap high-sugar
foods
to live. For example
, there are many construction workers who earn limited salaries in the world, and a meal containing lots of sugar
is the predominant source of energy for them.
To summarize, while
increasing the prices of sugary goods might aid in reducing sugar
intake among the public, I disagree with this
perspective due to
its adverse effects on the national economy and limited impact.Submitted by 1278948168 on
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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. Your position was initially unclear and contradicted later in your conclusion, which might confuse readers.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more detailed examples. The points made were somewhat general and could be strengthened with specific, detailed examples to support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on logical sequencing. Some paragraphs could benefit from clearer connections and transitions between ideas to help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. While they are both present, the introduction could more clearly present the topic and your standpoint, and the conclusion should definitively summarize your main points and restatement of your overall viewpoint.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite