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Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries traditional customs are being lost. Why do you think this is? What can parents and schools do to keep traditional customs alive?

#countries #customs #parents #schools
It is true that native customs will lost because
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation prefer to wear new fashion styles ,and the number of people who
wearing
Wrong verb form
wear
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 new dress are increasing.
While
 some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of people believe that
this
 action may
negative
Add a missing verb
be negative
show examples
 for us
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, parents and schools should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
support
this
 problem. And it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many reasons why people do not like old styles
dress
Change preposition
of dress
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 situation.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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task achievement
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that addresses both parts of the question. It's important to explicitly state why traditional customs are being lost and how parents and schools can maintain these traditions.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is weak because there is no clear progression from the introduction to a detailed discussion of the reasons and solutions. Utilize cohesive devices and paragraphing to improve the readability and organization.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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