IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You are working for a company. You need to take some time off work and want to ask your manager about this. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter · explain why you want to take time off work · give details of the amount of time you need · suggest how your work could be covered while you are away

#company #time #work #manager #amount
Dear Mr. Choy, I am writing in order to request some unpaid leave next month. My maternal grandfather's birthdate is Sep 16, and the whole family is going to
celebrating
Wrong verb form
celebrate
show examples
 his 60th birthday. My parents relocated to
other city
Change the wording
another city
other cities
show examples
 for business
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 at
my
Change the word
the
show examples
 age of four.
Therefore
, I had been living with my maternal grandparents for nearly 20 years. My maternal grandfather is always the strongest support for both my campus life and career development. I think it is inappropriate to be absent from the birthday festivity. To participate in
this
 special occasion, I would need to be away from work for 3 days from Wednesday 16th to Friday 18th
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since it will take me at least 28 hours in total to and from my hometown. My schedule for those days is relatively light, except for the monthly customer performance analysis for August. In order not to delay
this
 report, I will fulfil my work ahead of schedule and make sure I can finish all my tasks before I leave. Yours sincerely, Xiangdong Huai
Submitted by huaixiangdong on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to enhance clarity. The second paragraph could be split to separate personal background details from the event details.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer link between ideas with better transition phrases, especially when moving from personal reasons to work-related considerations.
task achievement
While the response completes the task, make sure to address all points as directly and explicitly as possible to ensure a fully developed response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Respectful greeting (e.g., 'Dear [Manager's name],')
  • Time off, absence, leave of absence
  • Personal circumstances, compelling reason
  • Duration, number of days/weeks
  • Cover duties, delegate tasks, work handover
  • Alternative arrangements, contingency plans
  • Preparation, advance work, assistance
  • Gratitude, appreciate, understanding
  • Inconvenience, minimal disruption
  • Request approval, formally request
What to do next:
Look at other essays: