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Band 4.5

What is the advantages and disadvantages of working at home or in office?

#home #office
Working from the
office
 has some advantages that working from
home
 does not.
While
 it can be agreed that
extra
Correct article usage
the extra
show examples
 freedom an employee gets from working from
home
 is not bad, nothing is better than working from the
office
.
This
 is true for several reasons. First and foremost, the
office
 is a community and
people
 should respect it, especially employees.
Secondly
,
teamwork
 can inspire everyone included to give it their maximum.
Finally
,
office
 activities and pastimes are worth
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more than staying at
home
.
To begin
 the argument, the
office
 represents a community. There are plenty of
people
 there, employees, from different walks of life and with different backgrounds. If all of them are working together,
then
 they are improving constantly and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of community is born.
This
, in turn, allows for mutual respect between colleagues. Even more, everyone knows who is contributing and how much
while
 the
work
 is done in an
office
. So, it is a good option for
people
 who do not intend to slack. The second argument is that
teamwork
 is the key to success. You can find no better
teamwork
 than between
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who are in the same situation, struggling with the same problems, and fixing the same problems as one, no matter how many of them there are.
This
 is why
office
work
 will always be better than
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 from
home
.
The
Correct article usage
Teamwork
show examples
teamwork
 will make everything worth it in the end, and
people
 should give their maximum to achieve success. The final argument is that
office
 pastime is worth more than spending time at
home
.
While
 some
people
 might prefer a quieter working environment, the
office
 working environment is something special. There are many
people
 who prefer to spend their free time in the company of others. What better way to do it than with colleagues from
work
?
Therefore
,
office
work
 is better by a longshot.
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on

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Task Achievement
The essay inadequately addresses the advantages and disadvantages of both working from home and in the office. The response seems one-sided and does not fully tackle the prompt's requirement of discussing both sides of the argument. It's essential to provide a balanced view or clearly explain the advantages and disadvantages of each setup to fully satisfy the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has an identifiable structure but the progression of ideas is not sufficiently logical. Paragraphs are not always clearly focused, and transitions between them could be smoother. To improve coherence and cohesion, employ a variety of cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph clearly follows from the previous one, with a logical progression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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