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Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion?

#people #governments #change #individuals #points
Nowadays, a handful of people believe that the
way
individuals
 live should changed by the authorities,
however
, there are still some who think that the
way
 they live should be chosen by themselves. In
this
 essay, I will consider both perspectives and
also
 give my point of view. First of all, the government should change the
way
 their residents live to develop their nation because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there are a lot of pressing issues that we are going to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
 as global warming, violence,
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 poverty.
As a result
,
governments
 need to create policies to switch the
way
 we
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
.
For instance
, the biggest problem we need to face is global warming which become more and more serious over time and to avoid the consequences of
this
 issue, the authorities have propagated to their residents to not use plastic bags or encouraged
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 use environmentally friendly resources
such
 as solar power, hydroelectric and wind power to slow down the degradation.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
individuals
also
 need to be allowed to choose their own
way
 to live unless the
governments
 will create an inequality between the populations.
This
 issue can easily to seen in America, the authorities have taken affirmative action for black people to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
plus extra points which makes the discrimination issues more serious than before. In conclusion,
while
a
Correct pronoun usage
it a
show examples
controversial which should decide the
way
 we live between
governments
 and
individuals
, I think that both
governments
 and
individuals
 should reach a compromise to decide the suitable ways of living to develop the country.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, which is elaborated upon throughout the paragraph. It is important that each idea follows logically from the previous one, creating a coherent argument. Be sure to use a range of cohesive devices appropriately, and structure paragraphs in a way that clearly conveys the progression of ideas.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both viewpoints and your own opinion sufficiently. Ensure that the response is fully developed with clear and comprehensive ideas, while providing relevant examples from a broad range of issues. Your own opinion should be clear throughout the essay and not just in the conclusion, and it should include a strong justification for your stance with specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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