Some people argue that modern technologies such as computers and cellphones destroy people’ social interaction. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
era, no one can deny that the usage of technology
is constantly on the rise.However
, some arguments are rising among public
about how the usage of Correct article usage
the public
technology
such
as computers and cell phones can impact social interaction.In this
paragraph, I disagree and would like to shed light on the reason for this
change.
Firstly
, modern technology
facilitates long-distance communication.For instance
, it is widely known that some people living abroad will have difficulty talking to their families and friends.Luckily,a smartphone is available and convenient for a person to make a call or even video call allowing participants to see each other as they talk.Additionally
, multiple screens can be used for video call
and chatting with different users.Fix the agreement mistake
calls
Therefore
, this
makes it clear that technology
helps in maintaining long-distance relationships and harmony.
Secondly
, I feel it is a positive role of technology
in expanding social networks and access to communities.For example
, company workers can easily set up a meeting through virtual conference allowing people to share information and data in real-time without being physically located together.Moreover
, it helps to save more money and time for travelling to other countries for business purposes.In my opinion,through social media ,we can connect and learn more about other countries such
as cultures and languages .
In conclusion, modern technology
provides greater benefits to our community , not only in time or relationships ,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
gives joy to society. Therefore
, I totally disagree that laptops and cell phones destroy people's social interaction.Thus
, we should make an effort to learn more about technology
.Submitted by tifjong on
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coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more balanced structure in your essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all paragraphs are cohesively linked with each other.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be stronger. Clarify your position in the introduction and restate your main points more effectively in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points more robustly with specific, detailed examples. While some examples are provided, they lack depth and detail that would strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by fully developing your arguments and addressing all parts of the prompt. Express a clear opinion and maintain this viewpoint throughout the essay.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by expanding on them and avoiding vague statements. Make use of complex sentence structures to articulate ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. This adds credibility to your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.