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Writing Samples /
Band 5

both views: family influences the children’ development Discuss both views: some people believe family influences the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

#influences #children’ #development #people #argue #movie #music #friends… #children
A number of individuals think that the biggest contributor to
children
's
development
 is their family.
However
, there are still some who believe that other influences
such
 as movies, music, and
friends
 more affect
children
. From my point of view, other influences
besides
 the family have a great impact on
children
's growth process, and in
this
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives. On the one hand, the family influences the
children
's
development
 the most because the parents are the person who approaches their kid first and teaches their
children
 social skills, and communication skills from a very young age.
Consequently
, the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of the
children
 depends most on the parent's education method.
On the other hand
, the others still have a really big impact on
children
's
development
. Nowadays,
children
 tend to spend their time the most on school with their
friends
 or on social media
instead
 of with their families.
As a result
, the
children
 would be easily affected by their
friends
 and technology devices.
For instance
, TikTok has a lot of trending videos that make people learn and imitate them. In conclusion, the growth process of
children
 is influenced by movies, music,
friends
, and technology the most because these days,
children
 spend their time the least with their family,
however
, the kids should experience both sides to have comprehensive
development
.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the two different views on the influence on children's development. It is necessary to have a more balanced discussion, giving equal weight to both views before providing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to logically connect ideas and paragraphs. Some sentences could be better linked to avoid abrupt transitions.
task achievement
Develop each main point with more detailed explanations supported by specific examples. Avoid overgeneralizations and strive for a balance of ideas to demonstrate an understanding of both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay should be structured with a clear progression of ideas from the introduction through well-developed paragraphs to the conclusion. Review and revise to ensure this progression is evident.
task achievement
The conclusion should not introduce new arguments and should summarize the points made within the body without overemphasizing one view over the other, unless a balanced judgement is given.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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