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Band 4

Government investments in the arts such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree

#government #investments #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #services
According
Add the preposition
According to
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this
 prompt,
government
Add an article
the government
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 is investing
money
for
Change preposition
in
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arts
for example
 music drama and cultural shows
instead
 of
countries
Change noun form
the country's
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 public services.
However
, I totally disagree with
this
 statement
due
Change preposition
because
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 to
arts
 can
be represented
Wrong verb form
play
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 a major
roll
Correct your spelling
role
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 in countries
such
 as
it is helps to
Wrong verb form
helping
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 mental health and
socail bahaviour
Correct your spelling
social behaviour
. Art is the way
of
Change preposition
apply
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humans
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
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. It helps to
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 mental health
such
 as stress, anxiety and any kinds of mental issues. When people
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 from these various problems art is the
antiboitic
Correct your spelling
antibiotic
antibiotics
 for every situation.
For instance
, every country has
a
Correct article usage
apply
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cancer patients and heart patients and music is the best way for their treatment like
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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playing
violin
Change the article
the violin
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 and
listen
Wrong verb form
listening to
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 that music.
Therefore
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should
expending
Verb problem
spend
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 their
money
for
Change preposition
on
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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.
On the other hand
,
general
Correct article usage
the general
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 attitude and behaviour of every single person is
the
Correct article usage
a
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vial
Correct your spelling
vital
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 part of a country.
I t
Correct your spelling
It
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 can
reduse
Correct your spelling
reduce
 violence and criminality. Poetry is the best example
for
Change preposition
of
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 that because they talk directly to
the
Remove the article
apply
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their nation to
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
uo
Correct your spelling
up
 attitudes
on
Change preposition
in
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 their minds.
For example
, S. Mahinda
thero
Change the capitalization
Thero
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 and
Mahathma
Correct your spelling
Mahatma
 Gandi
is
Change the verb form
are
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 the best artists forever, who spoke to the
naions
Correct your spelling
nations
nation
. They write poems and it
is helps
Change the verb form
helps
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to
Change preposition
apply
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social behaviour. In conclusion,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should spend
money
to
Change preposition
on
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arts
 and culture, because, it always
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 part
of
Change preposition
in
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peoples
Change noun form
people's
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crusial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 time. Yearly budget
government
 can
divided
Wrong verb form
divide
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 their
money
 for
arts
as well as
 public services.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
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 art combined with social and person individually and we must take hands for their
gorwn
Correct your spelling
grown
 in future.
Submitted by dinupremarathna on

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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument is not fully elaborated on, lacking depth and development. You should expand your ideas, providing more detailed examples and explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Although there is an attempt to create paragraphs, the ideas within them are not well developed. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and a series of supporting sentences that expand on that idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
To achieve higher coherence and cohesion, it is important to make use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. Your essay requires a more systematic approach to organizing paragraphs and ensuring that each has a clear main point that is developed coherently.
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