Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Evidently, the advent of technology has been significant throughout recent decades,
which
numerous gadgets have been introduced. Smartphones are the most popular items, particularly among Correct word choice
and
children
, being released because of such
developments, consequently
some hours are allocated every day on the smartphones by loved ones. The reason why Add a comma
consequently,
this
is referred to their
entertaining functions, Add a missing verb
is their
however
, I will argue in the upcoming paragraphs that kids are likely to be affected negatively by these innovations.
As for the popularity of digital phones, I would maintain that they allow children
to surf online and enjoy online games
. Many applications such
as You tube
, Instagram and Netflix have been developed in order to Correct your spelling
Youtube
watching
different online shows that are extremely exciting for young users. Based on statistics, a majority of views that have been reported daily for Change the verb
watch
such
application's
movies belong to accounts being signed up by Fix the agreement mistake
applications'
children
. Not only do they watch, but also
play online games
that are very common among youths. Such
games
require hours of spending on smartphones due to
many
players and amusing competition. Correct article usage
the many
For example
, call of Capitalize word
Duty
duty
, a first-shooter game, allows Capitalize word
Duty
children
to contact with their peers Change preposition
from all
all
over the World so that they can compete many players Change preposition
from all
Change preposition
on
in
various Change preposition
on
battle fields
.
Unfortunately, Correct your spelling
battlefields
this
issue has some harmful consequences that must not be overlooked. Firstly
, it does not mind
for Verb problem
matter
children
to consider the age-limit
of different shows. Correct your spelling
age limit
Hence
, Inappropriate contents
including many harsh Fix the agreement mistake
content
behaviors
may be downloaded by kids, which Change the spelling
behaviours
meant
that they are in Wrong verb form
means
the
danger of following them Correct article usage
apply
while
interacting. For instance
, Netflix includes many action series with many violent scenes that are accessible without any constraints. Furthermore
, as online games
are exceedingly interesting, they may lead to physical matters. Without a shadow of doubt
, Hours of sitting and staring at Add an article
a doubt
screen
result in various harmful effects like eyesight and bone problems. In my country, the most common health issues that are reported annually by Correct article usage
the screen
government
among Add an article
the government
young-aged
people are those related to the lack of outdoor activities.
In Conclusion, social media and Correct your spelling
young
games
tempt children
to lay
on their phones for a long time Wrong verb form
lie
while
there are many drawbacks Correct word choice
apply
such
as improper contents
and physical issues. It is highly suggested that the accessibility of Fix the agreement mistake
content
young-aged
population should be limited to a certain extent Correct article usage
the young-aged
as well as
involving them in some outdoor activities.Submitted by amansoore48 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a clear and logical structure throughout. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is developed coherently. Transition words should be used to link ideas together effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop each paragraph with at least one clear, relevant example to support the main point. Avoid overgeneralisation and ensure that each example adds value to the main argument by being specific and directly related to the topic.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task. Provide a balanced view if the question requires it and ensure that your opinion is clear throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. Aim to cover all aspects of the question thoroughly.
Task Achievement
Be mindful of the clarity of your ideas. They should be comprehensible and expressed in a way that makes it easy for the reader to understand your perspective and arguments. Concepts that are complex or abstract should be explained and illustrated with examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
While the essay structure is generally logical and the introduction and conclusion are present, you could improve the introduction by directly answering the essay question before breaking it down into further discussion points. In the conclusion, rephrase your main arguments and relate them more concisely back to the essay question to strengthen the overall message.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.