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Writing Samples /
Band 5

some countries encourage foreign companies to open in their country. many people think that government should focus on encouraging local businesses rather than foreign businesses. To what extent do you agree?

#countries #companies #country #people #government #focus #businesses
Nowadays, world business has rapidly developed. People always improve their skills and knowledge to be the best in the marketing field. The quick improvement in business has prompted challenges
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most entrepreneurs especially in small and medium
enterprises
. In my personal view, I agree with people who think governments should support local
businesses
 more than foreign
enterprises
.
To begin
 with, local
businesses
 had their own uniqueness in both products and services.
This
 will be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason to attract tourists to come visit and spend their budget on local
businesses
.
For Example
, in the South of
Thailand
Add a comma
Thailand,
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 they have many popular local restaurants and distinctive products
such
 as traditional goods or
beautiful
Change the adjective
beautifully
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 crafted souvenirs which can impress tourists not only foreigners but
also
 Thai
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Those
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 above examples will have an impact in various parts,
this
 will increase hiring rates and
also
 impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
domestic
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 activities. Assuming that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 governments are allowed foreigners to create their
businesses
 in domestic countries. They might legislate to control foreign
enterprises
 to not ruin local business models.
Due to
 economic competition, there are a lot of
businesses
 in the market that will challenge all companies to improve their services and products.
This
 will be beneficial to consumers and governments will receive more taxes from entrepreneurs. In summary, I totally agree with the statement that
said
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the government should support and encourage local companies more than international
enterprises
 because
this
 will uphold the domestic economic system and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be beneficial to people in the country.
Submitted by matty10 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay presents a clear and logical structure. While your essay had a recognizable introduction, body, and conclusion, it would benefit from clearer and more distinct paragraph organization to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Be diligent with the introduction and conclusion. Both should clearly address the task question and restate your main points succinctly. Your introduction successfully paraphrased the question, but the conclusion could have been more concise and reflective of your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. You have provided an example related to tourism in the South of Thailand, but additional specific and varied examples to support your points would enhance your response.
task achievement
Fulfill the task entirely by equally addressing all parts of the question. Your essay leans towards supporting local businesses but lacks depth in discussing the merits of foreign companies and a balanced consideration of the issue.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive main ideas. While your essay addresses the relevant topic, the ideas presented require more depth and exploration to fully answer the question. Ensure that each paragraph explores a single main idea thoroughly before moving to the next.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. The example you provided about the South of Thailand is a good start, but additional and more varied examples are necessary to sufficiently expand and strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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