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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Is it important for people to take risks,in both their professsional lives and personal lives? do you think advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Over the
last
 few years,receiving
risks
 in both professional and personal
life
 has been increasing in many parts of the globe.
People
 have different views as to whether or not
this
 is crucial for
people
.
While
 the phenomenon can bring some benefits,I believe the drawbacks are more pivotal to consider. From one angle,taking
risks
 can be beneficial in some respects.
Firstly
,It can contribute to
gain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
professional growth.In fact,
people
 who work on themselves and learn new skills
lead them
Verb problem
have
show examples
 to high level
competence
Change preposition
of competence
show examples
.More to the point,it cultivates personal development.
This
reflected
Add a missing verb
is reflected
show examples
 in the fact that taking
risks
 in any
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
 of
life
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it be in education or relationships,expands
people
’s
skillset
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
 and helps to be professional in
life
 practices. Having said that,there are some downsides of
this
 trend that can eclipse the mentioned advantages.The first and foremost problem is that
people
 can encounter potential financial loss.To explain,If
person
Add an article
a person
show examples
 takes bigger
risks
 in any
facets
Fix the agreement mistake
facet
show examples
 of
life
,
such
 as in working immoderately and navigating
life
 challenges it
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 require a lot of money to recover.Another significant issue is associated with stress and anxiety.
In other words
,
while
people
 take
risks
 they think more about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
whether or not it gives results which
as a consequence
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
compromise
Change the verb form
compromises
show examples
 their mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. Granted,taking
risks
 can benefit
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both personal and professional lives.
Hovewer
Correct your spelling
However
,
this
 may come at a cost financially and mentally.
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introduction conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are vital parts of the writing task. An introduction should set the stage for the discussion, while the conclusion should summarize the points made and restate the writer's position.
logical structure
Ensure you have a logical structure that flows from one idea to the next. The body paragraphs should each have a clear central idea, and the content within them should support that central idea.
complete response
The task response is not fully developed. Your essay should fully address the prompt with comprehensive ideas and well-explained points. Expand on your ideas and support them with specific and relevant examples or explanations.
clear comprehensive ideas
While you did cover some relevant points, the ideas need to be developed further and presented in a clearer, more comprehensive manner. Work on providing in-depth explanations and illustrations for each point.
relevant specific examples
The use of specific examples is limited. Aim to include relevant and specific examples that reinforce the point being made. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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