Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In today's evolving world,
health
plays a significant role in
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
lives.
Therefore
, many kinds of treatment are available nowadays, including traditional methods of healthcare
as well as
alternative
medicine
. It is argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
of people who try
alternative
treatments
instead
of visiting their usual doctor
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
increasing.
Although
this
action presents some advantages, I believe that the drawbacks associated with it are far greater. There
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
drawbacks of
alternative
medicine
. First of all,
this
type of treatment is not scientifically proven and
this
one does not provide complete recovery.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
alternative
methods
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
popularity
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
society, they can be harmful and even wrong. One of the main causes of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
can be
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
artificial professionals who offer their
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
.
This
situation is made worse because individuals do not verify them.
As a result
, their
health
problems tend to
getting
Change the verb form
get
show examples
worse. Good examples include paramedics in the mass starvation time in the Kazakh steppe who came in the yurts but
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
not provide substantial recovery. Despite
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
there are several advantages to avoiding regular doctors. Personally, I think that
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
system should be free but there are some countries that encourage paid-for recoveries.
Moreover
, hospitals are often overcrowded and the queues tend to be large, but there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
no policies regarding
this
issue. Another benefit of
alternative
medicine
can be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
accessibility, which is at home.
In other words
, you should not go to the crowded hospitals and wait. In my opinion,
alternative
treatment is more effective in terms of providing a healthy lifestyle.
For example
, acupuncture which was very popular in China in the
last
decade can positively affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
blood circulation
as well as
remove muscle tension. In conclusion, the public
health
system should be improved.
As a result
,
alternative
medicine
will be less competitive, which lead to
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
show examples
of regular doctors. Yet,
alternative
treatments present more disadvantages than benefits, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can change in the future
as well as
overall
Add an article
an overall
the overall
show examples
health
system, where there will be some innovative policies.
Submitted by ielts8bandplus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure introduction and conclusion clearly state your opinion on the topic and that they mirror each other. The closing paragraph should distinctly restate the perspective offered in the introduction, providing a sense of closure to the reader.
Logical Structure
Make certain that the overall structure of the essay follows a clear and logical progression. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic that supports the overall thesis of the essay, with smooth transitions between them.
Supporting Main Points
Extend and support the main points with specific details or examples. Relevant examples or data can strengthen an argument and illustrate your points more effectively.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Ensure each argument is fully developed and not just stated. Elaborate on how the argument supports the main thesis and provide sufficient detail for the reader to understand its relevance.
Relevant Specific Examples
Use specific, real-world examples to support arguments. Generic statements should be replaced with concrete examples, which help to illustrate points more effectively to the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: