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Band 4

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
In today's rapidly evolving world, entering
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
 is crucial. It is argued that,
while
 many individuals go to higher educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of qualified
workers
such
 as electricians and
plumbers
. I firmly disagree with
this
 statement and believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 are far greater. It is clear
thar
Correct your spelling
that
 every student
enrolling
Wrong verb form
enrols
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
 to gain knowledge and maybe in some way freedom. In our technological
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 the degree is a vital factor for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
status. Research has shown that there is every second student
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 to
university
. A good example of
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the rural high schools, where almost every
graduated
Replace the word
graduate
show examples
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
 to go to
university
,
whereas
 in the past time was a
lack
 of qualified individuals. In the universities, the main mission of people should be
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
show examples
 their
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
time
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 education and extracurricular activities. I think, doing vocational training needs a
much
Fix the agreement mistake
lot of
show examples
 time.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there is a
lack
 of qualified
workers
such
 as electricians and
plumbers
, no one appreciates these jobs. A good example can be my school where students do not value their hard work and just neglect them.
On the other hand
,there is a
lack
 of
such
workers
. Society
is highly needs
Change the verb form
highly needs
show examples
 more service employees because these jobs will be forever relevant.
For instance
,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
electricians are responsible for providing electricity
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buildings and these constructions,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own, always
suround
Correct your spelling
surround
 us in our daily lives. The next example,
plumbers
Add a missing verb
is plumbers
show examples
 deeply connected with our routine lives and
overall
 household repairs. Research has shown that in the US a big shortage of
plumbers
,
consequently
, many people have faced challenges with maintenance. In conclusion, the shortage of
quilified
Correct your spelling
qualified
workers
 highly
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our lives, but including vocational training
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the universities is not a decision. I believe that students should not be encouraged to do
such
 jobs in the
university
 field, so the best response can be opening special courses for
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 population, which will be promoted by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by ielts8bandplus on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some organization of ideas, but there are clear improvements needed in paragraphing and overall essay structure. Consider using more clear and purposeful paragraph breaks to separate distinct ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a concise and clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and the writer's stance clearly, while the conclusion should summarize the main points without presenting new ideas.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to support main points with examples, but they are not always clear or fully elaborated. Work on providing specific, relevant examples that directly support the main ideas presented in each paragraph.
task achievement
The response to the task prompt is incomplete, missing a balanced argument. Ensure to address the question directly, stating your position and providing a balanced discussion including arguments for both sides of the issue.
task achievement
While some ideas are presented, they lack clarity and comprehensiveness. Work on developing each point clearly, explaining how it supports the overall argument of the essay.
task achievement
Some examples provided are too vague or lack detail. Aim to include specific, relevant examples that are well-developed and enhance the argument. Avoid general statements that do not add value to the essay.
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