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Band 5

Some people think that global environmental problems should be dealth with locally. Others think that they should be dealth will locally. DIscuss both views and give your opinion

#people #dealth
Nowadays，some people believe that the worldwide environmental
problem
 should be solved
with
Change preposition
apply
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globally
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others have the opposite view. In my opinion, I believe
this
problem
 ought to be dealt with internationally as it is really complicated and difficult. The first reason is that it is a fairer way to solve environmental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 globally.
Because
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 issue is not a present
problem
 but it has been
causing
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 during different periods and by different
countries
.
For example
, developed
countries
 hurt
eco-system
Correct article usage
the eco-system
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 earlier
due to
develop
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developing
show examples
 their economy,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 some European
countries
.
In addition
, developing
countries
cause
Wrong verb form
have caused
show examples
 more pollution in recent
year
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years
show examples
 owing to
Correct article usage
the accelerate
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accelerate
Replace the word
acceleration
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their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 speed of development to compete with developed
countries
,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some Asian
countries
.
Hence
, both of these two kinds of
countries
all
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apply
show examples
should
to
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apply
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join in and
solving
Change the form of the verb
solve
show examples
this
problem
 caused by them. Another point to consider is that it is a more efficient approach to deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global environmental
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 internationally. Developed
countries
 have more mature skills and more advanced technologies
due to
 their long experience. If developed
countries
 can share these to help developing
countries
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
solve their environmental problems, it definitely will be solved faster and more
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
.
For instance
, Australia is quite professional in waste disposal and recycling, and China
cause
Wrong verb form
has caused
show examples
 considerable environmental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
 years, if
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 can teach later how to classify, recycle and reuse
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
garbage, it will benefit not only these two
countries
 but
also
 others. In conclusion, no country has not polluted
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 now or before, and different
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 have different
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of abilities to solve
this
problem
.
Therefore
, only cooperating with each other to deal with
this
 issue together is the best method which is fair and efficient.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea for clarity and to enhance logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Transition phrases and linking words should be used judiciously to create cohesive progression between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Follow a clear essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each part should fulfill its purpose effectively.
coherence cohesion
Avoid presenting new arguments in the conclusion. It should summarize the essay and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument thoroughly, providing a balanced discussion before stating your opinion.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. This adds weight to your argument and demonstrates a better understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that your response directly answers the question and stays relevant throughout the essay. Avoid straying into unrelated content.
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