IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#artists #sums #money #struggle #governments #steps #situation
It is often argued that some modern
artists
 receive huge sums of money for the things they create, but others still struggle to survive. Should governments take steps to resolve
this
 unfair situation it is considerably. I strongly agree that the
artists
 who cannot survive should be given more attention by the governments. On the one hand,
although
 most artist levels are separated by the judgment criteria, the purpose is common which includes attracting people’s interests or being famous. they should be given equal rights to create
art
 and be offered the same treatment.
For instance
, lots of
artists
 were poor since born without financial support even though they had the potential and intelligence of creativity. but rich families possessed many conditions to study and the most predominant in the environment. So if the poor one was supported by the
government
 or personnel, they would be easily successful and get more chance to show.
On the other hand
, without the support of the
government
, some
artists
 will lose faith and ambitions to continue creating, and many great classic
art
 will be buried. it is significant that artwork needs huge money, if they can’t survive by themselves, they would not consider beginning artwork.
However
, some works are famous not because of how good the work is, but because of the writer himself. they are good at publicity, often seeking opportunities to be interviewed,
thus
 becoming famous.
This
 deviates from the original intention of
art
. In my view of point, I hope more and more poor
artists
 will get support from the
government
, It will give the
art
 world more confidence, and
furthermore
, the
government
 should keep a balance on the arts.
Submitted by zhang342621374 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure to have a clear introduction and conclusion. The essay needs a more prominent conclusion that encapsulates the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Focus on developing logical paragraphs with clear main ideas followed by supporting sentences. Each paragraph should smoothly transition to the next.
task achievement
Task response could be improved by addressing the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees throughout the essay to maintain a consistent argument.
task achievement
Use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to clearly convey ideas and examples. Specific and relevant examples must directly support the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: