Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?
It is generally considered by many
people
that they are not necessarily happy inspire
Wrong verb form
inspired
of
having a lot of money. Change preposition
by
However
, it is difficult to define happiness
, as there are many other factors contributing to it. Being positive in every situation of life
is crucial for people
to achieve happiness
.
The reason happiness
cannot be easily defined is that it is a
abstract concept, which varies from Change the article
an
person
to person
according to
their life
experience. In other words
, individuals have different thing
in Fix the agreement mistake
things
life
such
as personalities, occupation
and Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
relationship
. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
For example
, someone who is in poor health conditions may find happiness
in just being physically healthy. Moreover
, although
person
Correct article usage
a person
have
achieved a quality of Change the verb form
has
life
, don't have a fruitful relationship among
family. Change preposition
with
Then
it is very hard to define wheather
a Correct your spelling
whether
person
is happy or not.
Nowadays, many status
are measured by wealth and possession. Correct your spelling
states
People
think that money is most important to be happy, they try hard enough to earn money. Nevertheless
they do not know that many rich Add a comma
Nevertheless,
people
are also
not satisfied with their life
due to
many reasons. So, having a harmonious family lead to true happiness
.
In conclusion, I think that every person
have
their own definition of what Change the verb form
has
happiness
is. Being satisfied with what an individual have
currently Correct subject-verb agreement
has
make
their Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
life
more fruitful and happySubmitted by chhetrig361 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Your essay should have a clear progression from introduction to body paragraphs and conclusion, each logically connected to the previous. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and transition words to guide the reader smoothly through your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay must include both an introduction and a conclusion. Your introduction should more clearly present the topic and outline the main points to be discussed. The conclusion should summarize your points without introducing new information. Aim for a strong, concise thesis statement and a definitive concluding sentence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points should be elaborated with supporting evidence. Develop each point with specific examples, explanations or data. General statements are not as convincing as those that have detailed support, such as citing studies, personal experiences or statistics.
Task Achievement
Your response should fully address all parts of the task. At present, your essay does not clearly address why happiness is difficult to define, and the steps to achieve happiness are underdeveloped. Expanding on these areas with more focused details and examples will improve your score.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in your essay should be clear and comprehensive. Make sure that each paragraph conveys a single main idea that directly relates to the topic. Use specific, focused examples to illustrate your points and avoid vague statements.
Task Achievement
Your essay should include relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. While you mentioned general scenarios, incorporating real-life examples or research findings will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example