In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The demographic landscape of numerous countries is undergoing an
aging
process, wherein people are experiencing longer lifespans Change the spelling
ageing
due to
improved living conditions and healthcare systems. Despite the potential drawbacks associated with increased longevity, I am inclined to believe that an aging
population can yield more benefits for society.
One primary challenge faced by governments in dealing with a higher proportion of elderly individuals is the scarcity of a younger workforce. The reluctance of the elderly to embrace change may impede business innovation and breakthroughs, thereby affecting career advancement opportunities for the younger generation. Another pressing concern is the financial burden, as a surge in retirees may necessitate the government to convert a substantial portion of pension funds into liquid assets. For those without Change the spelling
ageing
such
funds, families may find themselves financially responsible for supporting their elderly relatives. Additionally
, addressing the healthcare needs of the elderly, who are more susceptible to illnesses, will require increased government spending on healthcare systems and homecare services.
However
, it is important to acknowledge that older individuals contribute significantly to society through their wealth of wisdom, experience, and skills. Many remain active and productive for longer durations, proving to be valuable assets to the economy. Their extended working lives and post-retirement contributions, such
as engaging in charitable activities, acting as consumers, and providing support to their families, underscore their positive impact. Notably, grandparents often play a pivotal role in caring for their young grandchildren, facilitating the participation of both parents in the workforce.
In conclusion, while
it is true that an aging
population poses challenges for governments, the substantial benefits brought about by the contributions of the elderly to society far outweigh these difficulties. The wisdom and experience of older individuals, Change the spelling
ageing
coupled with
their ongoing economic and familial contributions, make them indispensable assets that enhance the overall
well-being of the community.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
While you have presented a clear position and addressed the task, your response could have been enhanced with more focused paragraphs and clear topic sentences that directly support your opinion on the extent to which the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Be sure to directly address the essay question in every paragraph and avoid general statements.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical progression of ideas, but to improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to more clearly connect your ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that the essay flows by linking the main points directly back to the question throughout the piece, and not just at the beginning and the end.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.