Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Children
play a crucial role in society and their upbringing has a significant effect on their future as well as
the future of the country. Therefore
, there always has been discussion about the best location to raise those children
. Some argue that the best option would be to raise in the urban area, whilst others prefer the countryside
. I genuinely believe that raising children
in a city would be a more appropriate option.
Many parents tend to choose to raise their children
in a city due to
its convenience and better development of children
’s abilities. Having many facilities that are essential for children
’s upbringing, such
as schools, sports centers
, and kindergartens, at a close distance can help adults easily find the most appropriate place for their Change the spelling
centres
children
’s study. This
diversity allows parents to expose their children
to different interests and talents, fostering a well-rounded development. Moreover
, it is more comfortable for parents to have their jobs, close to their children
because of much easier transfer and quicker appearance in the case of an emergency. Therefore
, it can be beneficial for both work-life balance and family well-being.
However
, many disagree and prefer the countryside
because of its much safer location and better nature. It has been statistically proven that the countryside
tends to have much smaller crime rates compared to cities. Therefore
, many adults worried about the safety issues of their children
are living outside of the town. Moreover
, villages have a much quieter atmosphere and cleaner air, because of a small number of vehicles. All of this
can help children
to grow much healthier, without any significant problems related to crimes.
In conclusion, while
living in the countryside
has benefits in terms of safety and health, I strongly believe that the benefits of raising children
in cities, particularly in terms of convenience and better skill development, will make it a much more appropriate option.Submitted by abdullaevayt on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas progress logically from one to the next. While there is a logical structure, transitions between ideas can sometimes feel forced or abrupt.
coherence cohesion
Introductions and conclusions should restate the topic and encapsulate the main points of the essay. The introduction and conclusion are present and generally serve their purpose, but could be refined to better emphasize your own opinion in relation to the discussed views.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with ample evidence. While main points have been supported, there is room for more detailed examples and evidence. Providing real-world examples or citing studies could enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task, which includes discussing both views and giving your own opinion. The essay meets this criterion, but the personal opinion could be better integrated throughout.
task achievement
Make the ideas and propositions in the essay clear and comprehensive. The ideas conveyed are understandable, but strive for more depth and clarity in expressing these ideas to solidify comprehension.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to support points made. Examples given are somewhat generic. Adding more specific, perhaps personal or widely-recognized examples would make the argument more solid and relatable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example