IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment?

#people #house #apartment
The issue of living in a detached
house
 or in a flat is being discussed by some individuals. It has both negative and positive aspects.
This
 essay will show that living in a
house
 has more benefits rather
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 drawbacks. It will first suggest that capacity and privacy are the primary advantages, followed by a discussion about priceless as the main disadvantage. On the one hand, many people believe that living in a
house
 has more benefits. The most important argument for, that they tend to be more spacious.
Therefore
, The Times recently reported that living in a separate
house
 makes people more positive as they feel freedom and there is no need to share an entrance with anyone. Another benefit is that citizens who used to live in a detached
house
 were more active and they got older later than those who lived in a flat, as there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 lots of housework to do.
Moreover
, the research that was made by Kevin Modrich represented that over 85 per cent of
house
 owners looked younger than the latter.
On the other hand
, there is
also
 a disadvantage. Nowadays, people spend a huge amount of money on houses, rather than on apartments.
Accordingly
, an apartment is affordable for almost every salaried person, because it does not include property tax, like buying a
house
. In conclusion , the fact that living in a
house
 leads to more benefits
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 having spacious, freedom and saving your
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 outweighs the flawed arguments that it is hard to afford accommodation
Submitted by d1dilnazka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a well-defined structure and clear progression of ideas. Ensure that you include a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to improve coherence and cohesion. Additionally, your use of cohesive devices like linking words should clearly signify the relationship between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
While you have addressed the general topic, your response seems incomplete due to the abrupt ending. The task achievement could be improved by providing a proper conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your position. Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt to satisfy the task requirement comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: