Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #waste #money #services

My motivation in participating in the CrossCulture Program activities is to increase relations, especially with NGO networks abroad, enrich my mindset by understanding cultures in Germany, and improve my ability to process information related to the environment. These three things are my main goals in participating in

this

activity. Of course,

this

activity will increase my ability to serve my current organization -Forest Watch Indonesia- and benefit the community and surroundings. These three things are very sustainable with each other and can be achieved by participating in the CrossCulture Program. I believe I can achieve all of them by joining

this

program.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Mon Dec 18 2023

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task achievement

The essay does not address the question about government investment in the arts versus public services, thereby failing the task achievement criterion. Refocus the essay to directly answer the given prompt.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear introduction, thesis statement, topic sentences, and a conclusion, which are essential for logical structure. Introduce these elements to enhance coherence and cohesion.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks supporting main points that are relevant to the prompt about government investment. Include clear arguments and examples to bolster the main points regarding the topic of investment in the arts vs. public services.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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1Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

102 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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